We are living in a theocracy now.
America was literally founded by Deists. Washington, Jefferson, Franklin, Madison and Monroe all practiced a faith called Deism. Back then, Deists believe that through human reason one could solve life’s problems.
The current reincarnation of Deism, however, is much different. Now, Deists believe in something much more mystical. Reason, however, no longer has a place in Deist faith. What is that faith? Diversity, Equity and Inclusion.
Where Deists of old really didn’t put too much stock in the thing we call “faith,” modern Deists are people of incredibly strong and zealous religious faith.
You may have noticed numerous DEIst chapels have popped up throughout America and that their faith is spreading rapidly. Just check social media.
You’re most likely to find DEIsts in places of learning and in publicly traded corporations. Much like Episcopalians, Deists tend to be highly educated and affluent.
So what do modern DEIsts believe? Like other mainstream religions, DEIsm has its own doctrine and dogma.
For example, DEIsm has a creation myth – that America as a country was actually founded in 1619, not 1776, and that it was built entirely by slaves. Not a mixture of Africans, Italians, Irish, Chinese, or Jewish people. No. It was built exclusively by slaves.
Deist doctrine is a mystical amalgam of beliefs about white supremacy, climate change, and the rejection of biological differences between the two sexes.
DEIsts also venerate certain taboo sexual practices much like the ancient Greeks and Romans in their respective religions. For example, Deists believe that a person cannot truly be of the faith unless they are attracted to the “trans” counterpart of their preferred sex.
DEIst also believe in baptism as their public confession of faith. Instead of water, Deist baptism involves the believer getting fully vaccinated and fully boosted against Covid. Displaying one’s fully vaccinated status on social media is a high point in a DEIst’s faith walk.
DEIst cosmology also differs from that practiced during the age of enlightenment. Deism posits that all known aspects of the Western world, both bad and good, are tainted with the original sin of white supremacy.
Just as Scientologists believe that the extra terrestrial ruler Xenu brought humans to Teegeeack (earth), DEIsts likewise strongly believe in an overarching concept they call “identity.” To a Deist, identity exclusively means one’s sexual and racial identity, not to be confused with one’s identity as a musician or tradesman, for example.
One’s sexual identity is of the utmost importance to a Deist. For example, A DEIst believes that a man can verbally declare that he is a woman, and that this declaration makes it biologically so. This is what we might call Sexual Transubstantiation.
How do DEIsts atone for the sin of white supremacy? Atonement can be accomplished in several ways.
For sins of identity, such as misgendering or deadnaming someone, or for the sin of questioning the validity of another’s identity, atonement usually begins with a public acknowledgment of your white privilege, that you are committed to “do the work,” that you are now an “ally” and that you need to take some time off to reflect and become a better person.
Then, delete your social media accounts and refrain from public discourse for a while – a form of virtual Seppuku, if you will.
A Deist’s highest act of atonement, however, is through the shedding of innocent blood. Whereas Christians believe that the shedding of Jesus’ innocent blood atoned for their sins once and for all, Deists believe that shedding the blood of innocent unborn children can atone for their white guilt, as it were.
Just as when Mesha the King of Moab sacrificed his firstborn son, or when the Canaanites offered child sacrifices to Moloch, DEIsts also believe in child sacrifice to keep their DEIty pleased. DEIty congregations found at many large corporations will pay for and accommodate these child sacrifices.
Public confessions are an important aspect of DEIsm. For example, when meeting someone for the first time, it is typical for a DEIst to first state their name, then their pronouns and state that they are standing on stolen indigenous lands. Sometimes this confession is followed by an oral description of what they are wearing.
DEIsts have their own Prophets and Evangelists such as Sandy Cortez and Greta Thornburg’s prophecies that the world will soon end.
Like other mainstream religions, DEIsts are funded through tithes and offerings. Large corporations routinely donate to DEist causes.
DEIst Worship and Devotion can be seen publicly by politicians and athletes.
DEIsts have their own holy books too –
Scriptures and allegories from these sacred texts are often read at their Worship services which they call “DEI workshops.”
Just like in Islamic Sharia Law, DEIsts have strict laws against blasphemy. If someone questions any core tenet of DEIsm, they are likely to be excommunicated from the internet and commerce.
Of course it’s not all sacrifice in Deism. Faithful DEIsts enjoy many great benefits. Such as promotions at large corporations, appointments to boards and high-ranking government positions, and Deists also have much easier access to venture and investment capital.
And of course Deists also enjoy free, on-demand access to child sacrifice services.
